A Woman’s Place

Ah, now this is an interesting read. Go ahead, have yourself a look:





Your Girl Did It :)

Six months ago, I enrolled in my first ever no gi tournament after a few months of modest training. Yesterday, I had the honor of standing amongst a podium of warriors and being rewarded the gold medal.


I could not have done this without the support of my family on and off the mat, my most loyal and revered training partner who cornered me through hours of hell, and this amazing community (that includes you bubbs). Subfighter is a wonderful organization that allows you to really expand and experiment as a martial artist, I recommend it to all. No fear. No pain, no gain.


Although I feel rejoiced for this victory, more for my team than myself- this is merely the beginning. The medal is put away, the celebration is done with. Bigger obstacles lay before me, but the doubt and fear is slowly chiseled away. There are so many moments when reviewing the footage obsessively, I cannot help but see the errors. The openings, the chances I missed because of moments of brief hesitation. That won’t happen again. Time to get that judo and wrestling game up. Hungry for that blue, it’s getting in closer reach. One motivation I had to psych myself was: If you think you’re close to being a blue, prove it today. Sweep the floor, don’t allow them any advantage points on you. They scored zero. I should have dominated and been more assertive, but it will come with time. Patience is key and so is experience. Plus, they were all baby weights, 145? I would be a fool to let them win against me, especially when I grapple with an army of brothers.


I came home to my champion pup. We celebrated with copious amounts of delicious food (constipation is kicking in right now, so is the bloated food baby hah). All is worth it. I feel so fortunate to be surrounded by such wonderful company and food hahaha.

If you’d like to check out my videos, take look below 🙂 work in progress, but we’ll get there. Never, Never lose heart. “Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

Thank you my friends, let’s get through this hellish Monday together before we can celebrate some Horrorween festivities :).

Food? I Don’t Even…


Ladies and Gents, it is officially Day 4 of extreme weight cuts. And let me tell you, cutting out sodium, sugars, carbs is pretty painful, but all are fairly tolerable compared to the absence of my beloved fruit. In the next couple hours will be my last (cough) “meal” before the 2 day fast (no food no water, that’s how I do). I’m currently around 148-150, need to drop to 145 by Saturday morning. Then it’s officially GO TIME at the jiu jitsu tournament on Sunday.

Ohh how my stomach growls just fighting to write this post on a nearly empty tank haha. Over the last few days, some interesting observations have been made about my eating patterns. For one, I do not crave artificial sweetened snacks nor greasy foods. The smell oddly has been making me feel nauseous. To be truthful, though, that may be a result of me convincing myself that these delicious delights are unappetizing simply because I cannot consume them. Since I’ve been cutting out sweets in general, it is interesting to note how you really savor and appreciate the natural flavor of organic raw foods. Nah, I’m not turning into a vegan hippie haha but it does add a heightened element of gratitude for foods that aren’t supplemented or manipulated with sugars or salts.

Silence, you growling beast. Sorry, my stomach seems to be talking back at me a lot these past couple of days. Eh, who could blame it? But come Sunday, this gal is going to unleash this hungry beast. I look forward to feasting like an animal, with something that looks a little like this:


Thanks for coming along with me on this ride, our Journey to Blue. Stay tune for some snazzy photos.

One Team One Dream, Baby


Today, for the first time since embarking on my Jiu Jitsu journey, my belt has some added weight to it. My very first two stripes, I could not do this without my family and my team. These belong to you as much as they are mine. 2 down, 2 to go: Journey to Blue. [Shameful plug of Instagram Account: Saweet_Carolinee. Follow me mang!]

Another piece I wrote: The Future of Jiu Jitsu Have yourself a look!

And the Saga Begins

Ah, quell that pounding heart of yours. Take a couple breathers.

It appears that competition season has returned and that only means one thing for this Smiling Assassin: It’s time to step back on the mat and test what I’ve been able to absorb in the last 7 months. Now, there are couple things that come to mind when I reflect upon my first ever competition in April of this year. The extreme polarity of feeling uneasy and having obscene amounts of adrenaline pumping through my veins. My heart clawed begging to be released from my rib cage, and every sound in the auditorium amplified and echoed in my ringing ears. It was incredibly thrilling to feel such excitement because normally I can’t help but break a chuckle when someone is cranking the shit out of my arm. Sadly though, the anticipation and adrenaline was siphoned from me as I was quickly overturned match after match, waiting for my opponent. That was the worst.

The memories. Opponent Numero Dos: A heavier girl no doubt. And possessed more technical fluidity than my petty 2-3 months of training. A submission with a grizzly omoplata that had the back of my hand touching my face. I guess this is where you draw the line between stubborn and stupidity. I refused to tap out, not from that. I recall looking out into the stands, seeing my brothers grimace as my face pummeled into the mat. I could make out a streak of blood by my face, but it only made me grin more. I could overhear her coach, “I don’t know! Maybe she has rubber arms, do something else to choke her out!” At that moment I remembered I was going to compete in my first Gi tournament two weeks from then, I retracted and thought, don’t be dumb dude. Don’t fuck up your arm. Turns out, some temporary nerve damage with a shaky arm is all I walked out with. Fortunately. I walked towards my training partner, who cornered me in my matches, I told him I didn’t want to go out like a pussy. He reassured me that I had nothing to worry about, that I put up a good fight. The larger guys even took notice of my stubbornness and called me beast.

To this day, I believe that match was THE most gratifying roll I encountered in my Jiu Jitsu journey. A female alpha—someone I strive to become. I grapple with my team of men and they are all such remarkable beings on and off the mat, but to meet female who could generate such strength and technical aptitude gave me hope.

The lesson: You can’t teach heart. I knew I was going to lose, but I had to test myself. See how long I could endure the pain, almost a survivalist mind state. I could not give in. There are plenty of things that are worse than a broken arm, and that is the least of my concerns. However, I should have been more tactful in my movements and evaded these dire circumstances. Admittedly, I do need to learn when to tap in order for me to continue this sport in the long run.

Now, what’s on the horizon? My second tournament is T minus 9 days from now. Weigh-ins are in 8. I have anywhere from 5-7 lbs to still shed. Ah, the GLORIOUS weight-cut week. It’s much like Thanksgiving… wait, no it fucking isn’t. I’m with the Lost Boys in Hook and savoring my delicious imaginary feast. It will be worth it, your celebratory meal will await you.

This sounds peculiar, but I will not have anyone cornering me in my matches. I deliberately chose to go alone and not inform my Coach. I don’t want the added pressures or even the support. I have to see if I can do this on my own. This is my path and my journey. I just hope if I am successful in bringing back anything, that he will not be disappointed or upset with my decision.

T minus 8 days to 145. I remind myself 145 isn’t too bad, considering how for my next match I’m aiming at 130 bhaha. Emaciated water deprived photos shall be posted. Thank you all for reading, happy Friday!